brass knuckle necklace

This brass knuckle necklace won’t do you much good in a fight (unless you somehow manage to choke your opponent with it), but it definitely makes a fashion statement. Also available in tommy gun, straight razor, and butterfly knife versions.

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absolute zero shirt

Yes, that is literally true. Of course, I don’t know if the word “cool” would really apply to the person wearing the shirt.

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ET shirt2If you think the original E.T. is dated, imagine the same premise set in an 1870’s suburbia equivalent, where E.T. suddenly finds himself on a planet swimming in a sea of  handlebar mustaches and penny-farthings. There he befriends Elliot, a 10 year old boy who has already lived a quarter of his life expectancy, then develops a taste for Nesselrode, and “phones home” using Morse Code. Bored yet?

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BRB T-ShirtSince acronym speak wasn’t mainstream in 1985, it looks like Marty’s going to have to fire up the DeLorean’s flux capacitor and generate 1.21 gigawatts of “what the hell does that mean?”

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laxy-oaf-tux-scarf

You may not be dressed for a wedding when you wear this tuxedo scarf, but you are better dresses than your average skier or sledder. You are also warm, which is one thing those tuxedo clad buffoons can’t claim.

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cow-alien-revenge

This is what cows dream of at night, learning to use the alien’s tractor beam technology against them. They aren’t out in the pasture just eating all day, they are thinking and plotting of how to make this happen.

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hardcore scooby doo

Looks like the gang has changed tactics a bit. Actually, I don’t see the rest of the gang—maybe Velma finally got tired of hippies, bimbos and incompetent leaders. So she slaughtered them all.

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alien sonogram t-shirt

Oh, you put the sonogram on a t-shirt. How adorable! That little guy will be bursting through your chest before you know it.

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Neuron TieThe fact that the human brain can control the whole body but lacks self-understanding leads us to one of two conclusions: Either neurons aren’t cool enough to gain the recognition they deserve, or there’s something they don’t want us to know. Either way the results are the same: nobody who sees this design on a tie is going to understand what the hell they’re looking at.

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3d-knee-highs

Knee high socks are sexy, but I would keep any lewd comments to yourself lest you get a roundhouse kick to the head in full 3D. That having been said, these socks would be the perfect companion to the 3D glasses dress.

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