
Like the Highlander, there can be only one true vampire. And he isn’t a pussy.
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If World War II was celebrated by the famous Times Square Kiss then I guess we should celebrate the end of the next war with the Times Square Bite, although the picture will suck if the vampire doesn’t show up on film.
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The classic romantic notion of vampires spying on the object of their affection as they sleep makes them stalkers and nothing more. Nothing a restraining order couldn’t fix.
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I hate to break it to you tween girls, but in reality young vampires look less like Robert Pattinson and more like Count Chocula and Eddie Munster.
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If watching “Twilight” has given you the desire to flush out any misunderstood, pale Robert Pattinson types at your school so you can live your very own vampire love story, then you need to get some vampire bling to let them know you’re into their shit. Then hopefully you’ll be on the fast track to hooking up with a guy who needs to suck animal blood to survive… Sexy!
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Vampires are not being cool or trying to hide their fangs when they strike the pose that this vampire is demonstrating. They are just ashamed of their breath. I guess you just never actually hear them say “Gotta Breath Mint?” with that heavy cloak in the way. They have to expect some odors with their diet consisting entirely of other people’s blood.
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If watching “Twilight” has all you teenage girls fantasizing about a goth fairy tale where your very own dreamy vampire awaits to whisk you away to a blood sucking, nocturnal paradise,  here’s a chilling view of what your professional future will look like once you get there.
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These vampire teeth are a bit of an odd decoration for you to be wearing around, but the red Austrian crystals as drops of blood make it the ultimate accessory for vampire lovers out on the town late at night.
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If there is anyone or anything that could possibly hate the sun more than a Vampire Popsicle, I have no idea what it is.
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