What other product will protect your cuts, allow you to make better hand faces and offer up the healing power of a mustache in one handy bandage? These things will sell themselves.
Product Page: ($7)
mustache
Having a moustache means that you represent every other person that also wears their moustahce proudly. The grander the moustache, the more responsibility you take on. Sorry, but you do not get one without the other.
Product Page ($14.95)
Take classic joke glasses into the 21st century with wind-up versions that animate the mustache and eyebrows. Inexplicably enough, there is also a wolf version with a stick out tongue pictured after the break.
What is a transformer supposed to do when there aren’t any cool cars, jets or big rigs around to help conceal your identity? In the old west the choices were clear: you could transform into a colt 45, a rocking chair, a bottle of whiskey, tumbleweed, a cadaver or a metal pedestrian with a handlebar mustache. Some chose to be a public shower to remove all threats of discovery, while others chose to live on the edge by immersing themselves in public life. With technology this boring, its no wonder movie studios and toy companies past them by. After all, what kid would want to play with a toy robot that transforms into an outhouse?
Product Page: ($15)
Like an uncool intervention, this shirt brought me face to face with my own sub-awesomeness. Looks like I’ll have to spend a lot more time around Space Invaders, disco balls, polyester leisure suits, Plymouth Dusters and puke green houses with wood paneled rooms.
Product Page: ($12.99)
These gloves from Merino keep your hands warm and provide and instant mustachioed disguise.
Product Page ($95 via Hi + Low via BLTD)
A look like this usually seen with gold chains and lots of chest hair or in retro Ron Jeremy porn movies. In any case, this shirt will most likely be a massive turn-off to every woman you encounter.
Product Page: ($24)
After reading the product description for the plushtache, it’s clear that even the manufacturer doesn’t know what the hell this thing can be used for. Besides the obvious use as a fake mustache for the pre-pubescent, I’d imagine the only other needs would be as the finishing touch to your “Mr. Pringle†costume for Halloween, or as a backup mustache for all you character actors who continuously play 19th century western bartenders.
Product Page ($8)
Always have a disguise ready to go when you wear this Moustache Necklace. The next time you see that loser ex-boyfriend and do not want to be bothered, just pick this necklace up to your nose and you can pass unmolested. When not in use it can sit unobtrusively below your shirt. Other than the odd looks your current boyfriend gives you when you remove your shirt before the necklace I cannot see any downside to this.
Product Page (£12.00, about $24)
