For everyone who’s ever wanted to suit up in a fancy gown and/or battle armor, fantasy movies can be quite the sartorially aspirational experience. But sometimes… not so much. From peacock capes to Ye Olde Leather Sports bras to boob armor (oh, the boob armor!), fantasy fashion does occasionally like to walk on the weird side.
Please note that “weird” doesn’t necessarily imply either “good” or “bad,” though a lot of the latter is certainly represented on this list. Qualifying requires a certain je ne sais quoi, a little bit of “A kid’s movie is going to put a guy in pants so thin and tight that you can clearly see the outline of his junk?… Huh.” Speaking of:
The Bowie Bulge, Labyrinth
Pixellated to protect the children.
This is the one. Bowie’s Labyrinth look has been ushering children into the wild lands of puberty for going on thirty years now. The same cannot be said of…
Granny panties + suspenders, Zardoz
Every single thing you need to know about Zardoz is right here in this photo. Nothing else is remotely relevent.
The peacock cape of Doom, Highlander
No wonder Sean Connery retired from acting. He’s had some really bad luck with movie wardrobe departments.
Tom Cruise’s armored, fringed minidress, Legend
The “Dark Lily Dress” may be considered by most to be Legend‘s crowning sartorial achievement, but it’s Tom Cruise’s scale-armor minidress tunic that has Xenu’s seal of approval.
Guinevere’s leather boob suspenders, King Arthur
Jesus, this is painful just to look at. People normally wear a shirt under their lederhosen, Keira!
Madonna does body armor, Dungeons & Dragons
There are a lot of things wrong with Dungeons & Dragons–hell, there is everything wrong with Dungeons & Dragons–but Norda the Elf’s plastic boob plate armor has to be pretty high up on the list. Here’s a better view of the FemBot action:
Boromir the Pantsless Viking, The Lord of the Rings (1978)
Boromir, you forgot something.
Liam Neeson, the human disco ball, Clash of the Titans
Zeus: God of the sky, lightning, and boogying down.
Every single hat in Immortals
Tarsem Singh’s Greek mythology epic might not have much going for it by way of story or characters, but damned if just about every character doesn’t get to rock some truly bizarre headgear:
The Minotaur’s just a dude in a barbed wire bull’s mask, like the most heavy metal sports mascot ever:
Sure, just pop a lampshade on your head. It’ll look great.
I don’t even know what the hell’s going on on the right:
Sean Bean in whatever the hell this is, Mirror Mirror
This marks the second appearance on this list from a Tarsem Singh movie. If nothing else, the guy knows how to deliver a whole lotta look.