These stockings will do a good job of advertising your Twittering and request for more followers. But without your account name on there you will constantly be approached by people who want to find out. That can be a mixed blessing depending on whether you would enjoy a bunch of internet addicts hitting on you.

Product Page ($13)

This year, make a retro Halloween fashion statement with a lavender sweater dress covered with Pterodactyls rendered in 8-bit Nintendo quality. If I was out trick-or-treating and saw someone open a door wearing this sweater, I’d expect to get a bag full of Giggles cookies, Bonkers candy, and Tab… I miss you Giggles, I really do.

Product Page: ($268)

You can entice the men by stripping down to your undies and let the undies break the bad news for themselves. A girl on a PMS rampage will scare the hell out of any sane man.

Product Page ($13.99)

This is a simple little dress that is easy to wear and has a pair of pistols that show you mean business. Anyone that carries a pair of pistols and has them in red so that they cannot be missed is probably someone you don’t want to be messing with. Intimidation is simpler than having to actually defend yourself.

Product Page ($82)

Under the list of features, the product page for this magic massage bra only lists one word: “sexy.” However, they also claim it can do everything from increasing your bust size to promoting better sleep.

Make breast more healthy: Pangao breast enhancer effectively make breast up, dredge breast glands, eliminate blood stasis and effectively prevent women from breast diseases and flaccid, also can move fat and make a well-shaped figure. If use it often, you can have a sound sleep, immunity from disease and better internal secretion.

Um…what? All I know is that this thing rubs boobs. I doubt women would find that as exciting as guys would find massage pants, but hey—don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

Product Page (Pricing Available Upon Request)

You don’t need the tatoos to make this switchblade dress look authentic, all you need is a good, snarly attitude. The large blades of multiple knives will take care of the rest.

Product Page ($48)

I can only imagine what kind of sexy, classy lady would be wearing this. The kind of woman that wears Press-On Nails and has a voice like Harvey Fierstein no doubt (Harvey video after the break).

Product Page (Styles Vary)

Why wait until your legs are covered with veins when you can have that sexy look on demand? Veiny hose slips over your pristine skin to give you that “inside-out” look all the kids love these days.

Product Page (41 EUR or $58 via Likecool)

Whether you are breast feeding or warding off strange guys at bars, this reversible open/closed necklace will clearly display the status of your boobs.

Product Page ($45)

From Nerd Approved: It’s dark and your hands are busy. A miner’s helmet just isn’t sexy (except that one time when you were role playing), so you let your crotch lead the way with the Playazon Merkin Flashlight and it’s three ultra-bright LEDs. Spelunking anyone?

Product Page: ($45)