From Nerd Approved: It’s dark and your hands are busy. A miner’s helmet just isn’t sexy (except that one time when you were role playing), so you let your crotch lead the way with the Playazon Merkin Flashlight and it’s three ultra-bright LEDs. Spelunking anyone?

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Even the ladies have to be psyched about the release of The Dark Knight next week. In preparation for this momentous occasion, grab a pair of these Batman branded yoga pants. It looks comfortable and it is sure to whip up a testosterone fueled frenzy in every guy that you meet.

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Hey ladies! I see you looking at me in this thong thinking hot, sexy thoughts. How’s about I put out that fire with my hose? Yeah, you know what I’m talkin’ bout. But first, lemme hit the bathroom quick. Oh don’t worry—I’ll be back soon. I don’t even have to take my underwear off this time. I know baby, I know. You ARE lucky to have a guy like me.

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Do you wonder how you can wear that Speedo with pride? Maybe those you emulate have purchased themselves some artificial enhancement. The Big Boy Package Enhancer is a “full basket undergarment” that is “ultra secret” and “form fitting”. So go to the beach and watch the girl’s faces light up with interest instead of the usual chuckling. Also useful when heading to the ocean’s colder waters. I guess the old sock trick is just passe now.

Check out the back of the box after the jump to see what it actually looks like.

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Whether or not you are into skulls or thongs does not really matter. The fact that when the lights go off the lines and skulls glow in the dark makes it more than the sum of it’s parts. A little discomfort will be completely worthwhile when the lights go out. You may even find yourself looking to show thees off in places that you would have otherwise never even thought of.

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If you don’t want to attract the geeks, wearing sexy bikinis adorned with Pirate-related imagery is probably not a great idea.

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The Rubber Secrets mask features an inflatable gag to insure that the cries of pain resulting from each crack of the whip on your ass are not heard by your neighbors. Plus, it comes packaged in a gift box—how lovely.

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If your boyfriend is a gamer, speak his language wearing this Hot Short Underwear. You know he lives for making it to the bonus stage of whatever game currently has his attention. But there is one bonus stage that has nothing to do with gaming and is far more enjoyable. It shouldn’t be too hard to convince them of that.

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I can’t imagine anything much more boring than collar stays. They just aren’t a sexy piece of hardware. Not unless your significant other slips these stays into your collars. The PG versions may just make you feel a little bit better about yourself (“You’re so handsome” and “You make me laugh”), but the racier versions may make you want to skip out of work a bit earlier (“Touch me” and “That tie will be useful”). Men are so simple.

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This seems like a skirt that would just have to sell well. Which description will account for more of the interest: Micro Mini or Evil? Maybe it is just me, but I can see that either one of those immediately captures my interest.

For the ladies, they can comfortably wear this knowing that only those that they allow to get close to them will ever be able to determine that EVIL is written on it. And then it is much too late for them back out.

Product Page (£16.99, about $35)