The hideousness of these Jack O’Lantern Slippers is scary enough, but wearing them first thing in the morning with your hair askew, eyes crusted shut and makeup off will undoubtedly have the villagers lighting up their torches.

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I’m sure these volleyball slippers are warm, but that doesn’t make ‘em right.

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Generally, if your sushi tastes like feet, you should probably send it back and stop eating at shady restaurants with sanitation grades you have never seen before (what the hell is a “Q” rating?). In the case of these slippers however, a little foot flavor is to be expected.

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Harness an image of the King of Pop’s face to block out the light while you sleep with this Michael Jackson “Dangerous” sleep mask. Maybe when you wear it your dreams will involve you and Peter Pan flying over England while making nightly trips to Neverland to fight Captain Hook. It’ll be a nice change from the 8 hour porn movie that normally occupies that time slot.

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Nothing says “hardcore pirate” like wearing an eyepatch and a sleep mask with another eyepatch on it.

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If your love of neatness compels you to keep your slippers centered and paralleled on your bedside carpet, then this cut and paste slipper/carpet combo will save you measuring time and the jangled nerves that come with asymmetry by combining the two into one handy unit. Now you’ll have more time to dedicate to facing labels out on your cans and combing the frills on your rugs.

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This shirt attempts to answer the question about how many corny jokes you can have on one set of pajamas. You can start with the plaid bottoms reminiscent of lumber jack apparel. Then you can move to the Slumber Jack name itself for it’s play on words for sleeping. You can finish it off with the slogan “Sawing Logs Nightly” on the front.

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Are you a bald neat freak with a thing for plain white t-shirts? Then I have the pajamas pants for you my anal retentive friend.

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People in your household may not give waking you out of a deep sleep a second thought, but they may hesitate just a bit when they see a mummy with glowing eyes staring at them. It is worth trying anything to get people to leave you alone, so this sleep mask would be a small price to pay.

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This sleep mask is reversible, “sleeping with the devil” on one side, “sleeping with my angel” on the other. All you need to figure out is which one indicates that she would be open to waking up at midnight for a some extracurricular activities.

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