From the category archives:

Bags

loch ness monster tote

Grainy photographs and shady eyewitness accounts are all the “facts” I need.

Product Page ($15)

Anderson Cooper Bag

Two signs that you’ve made it to pop culture icon status: having your mug turned into pop art, and then having said image plastered onto a canvas tote bag.  The image displaying Coop’s concerned “WTF?” face was probably taken when he heard the news.

Product Page: ($16)

self portrait purse

Especially when you reproduce an image of yourself in underwear ninety times, cover a purse with said images, and then expect someone to part with $300 for the result.

Product Page: ($300)

its a satchel shirt

A satchel is not to be confused with a purse. Indiana Jones uses one for chrissake.

Product Page ($15)

Newspaper print laptop bag

If you use a laptop, chances are you won’t be reading a newspaper to get your news, you’ll read it off the net while you sit in a coffee shop with free Wi-Fi nursing a latte for four hours. During that time, you can also enjoy gauging reactions from people as they look at this laptop bag designed to look like a folded newspaper. In this case, if someone looks at it and all the color drains from their face while they mumble a slow “motherf*cker”, that person is probably an egg farmer. If they look and yell “Hallelujah!” chances are they’ve been trying to unload expensive property in the UK. Newsprint is unique to each bag and they are fully lined in black satin.

Product Page: (£ 87, or about $143.82)

petz

PETA already has the mission of protecting live animals, maybe they need to branch out a bit and lend their expertise to those half dead people who seem to have no benefactors. Maybe a nice little ad campaign advocating against taking off their heads as being the best way to tame them.

Product Page ($25)

environment bag

Interesting that a man would rather be perceived as whipped than a treehugger. Admit it hippie! You care !

Product Page ($7)

dexter shopping bag

Showtime’s resident serial killer Dexter has a kid in Season 4, so minivans and green shopping bags at the supermarket must be just around the corner.

Product Page ($16)

Snakeskin Lips Clutch

This would look totally natural in 1988, along with the latest Poison album, hairspray, high heels, fishnets, a feather boa and the street.

Product Page: ($361)

syphilis_lunchbox

If these warnings were good enough for the days of WWII, they should be good enough for today as well. You are merely the messenger when you carry this lunch box around—a messenger who knows that STD’s are the biggest enemy of all. The gas mask certainly gives it the gentle touch you should be striving for.

Product Page (£10.00, about $16.50)