Of course, secretly recording conversations with a giant retro tape recorder would be difficult enough—nevermind a bag that only looks like a giant retro tape recorder. On the other hand, the bag is stylish, and it would go great with the boombox coin purse pictured after the break.

Product Page: Cassette Bag ($20) Coin Purse ($20)

There are no actual First Aid supplies for a zombie outbreak in this Left 4 Dead backpack, but it will do a fine job of accessorizing a costume and holding your gear.

Product Page ($28)

You’ll have to check your pacifism at the door if you want to wage war on plastic. That’s when it’s time to feel the warm companionship of this neoprene grenade which contains a reusable polyester shopping bag that has “War on Plastic” printed on it. You’ll set an example for the whole health food store by letting them know that you’ve eliminated .00001% of plastic products from your life. Way to go!

Product Page: ($18)

All I can think about when I see this tote bag is that Beavis and Butthead episode where Butthead is trying to explain sexual intercourse to Beavis with his jaw wired shut.

Product Page ($14)

Unless companies release products that compliment depression and jet black everything, it’s clear that they don’t “get” you. However, with money on the line, you can be sure that they are working feverishly to penetrate your niche market, and in the process bring forth such wonders as this spiky backpack, which can also double as the ultimate “goth Bowser” Halloween costume accessory.

Product Page: ($25)

When your bag looks like an ordinary can of Coke, you’d think only the chronically thirsty would become potential purse snatchers; but the people you really have to watch out for are security personnel at movie theaters and concerts.

Product Page: ($34)

Even a happy go lucky dessert item like a cupcake can find himself becoming a bad seed. He may have been influenced by another bad cupcake or he may be doing the corrupting, look at this bag to see if you can spot which one has gone bad. 

Product Page ($6.95)

The Syringe Wristlet Handbag is the perfect accessory for your friendly, neighborhood drug addict. There is no requirement that drugs or paraphernalia be kept in the bag, it holds money and makeup just as well. A great accessory for your nurse Halloween costume or completing your heroin chic look.

Product Page ($7.50)

Nothing will let everyone know you are old more than pulling out this 45 inspired bag that has all your junk in it. You average kid today will just think it is an odd colored DVD. And that strangely shaped thing in the middle? Only the truly old will remember that that gizmo was required to play 45’s on any decent turntable.

Product Page ($4.95)

As you will see after the break, the mummy’s obsession with toilet paper can create some very awkward moments.

Product Page (Also Available in Shirt and Tote Bag Styles)