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I don’t know if Pandas were ever in Vietnam, but years in captivity have definitely taken their toll on John Rambear. Despite being in his 30’s (the upper end of a Panda’s life span in captivity), Rambear plans to come back for a sequel.
Product Page (£14 or $22)
This guitar necklace with a pick holder will keep you prepared in the event of spontaneous rocking.
Product Page ($19.75)
Video games being blamed for the occasional teen sociopath is no better than rock music being blamed for trouble back in the 50’s. You are merely educating the elderly and ignorant when you wear this controller covered shirt.
Product Page ($19.97)
This guitar bracelet will show the world that you are a starving artist who is dedicated to the music. Couple this with the phrase “I’m a musician” and more often than not your friends will no longer expect you to pick up a tab, leave a tip or pay rent.
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Hiro better be good at Guitar Hero since it is basically his namesake. His time traveling abilities could be useful if he had the ability to slow time down rather than stop it, but I have seen no evidence he has that capability. So his playing skills are all about his hand to eye coordination and not his special abilities.
Product Page ($11.99)
The skeleton on this watch will appear to strum the guitar that is the minute hand each time the skeleton hour hand passes it. Maybe strumming once an hour seems pretty slow to you, but it is fairly quick for a skeleton.
Product Page ($29.95)
In the world of rock, paper, scissor competition, rock beats scissors, scissors beat paper, paper beats rock, and metal beats anything played on an acoustic guitar and any concert under 50,000 watts. Viva tinnitus!
Product Page: ($16)
Even the Geisha have been forced to provide more modern forms of entertainment. Next up: rap.
Product Page ($22)
Unlike the original Woodstock, a Guitar Hero festival would have been less about peace and love and more about merchandising, corporate sponsorship and $3 cans of Mt. Dew. Oh, wait—they already did that with the Woodstock sequels in the 90’s.
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If your significant other puts on “a show” after a few drinks at a party, you may want to pick up one of these shirts and legally absolve yourself from any involvement. The full text on the shirt is available after the break.
