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I’ll have to pass on any foot-flavored energy drinks, but I understand where Reebok is coming from with their new ZigTech sneakers. Simply put, the main feature is a zig-zag-shaped foam sole that absorbs impact and uses it to help propel an athlete forward.
When you use the phrase that you are “sick of your job”, think about how this poor carousel horse feels. You should choose your words a little more carefully next time, just as this horse should look into investing in Dramamine if he is going to continue going in circles all day. That pole it’s impaled on probably isn’t all that comfortable either.
Product Page ($16.99)
Hiro better be good at Guitar Hero since it is basically his namesake. His time traveling abilities could be useful if he had the ability to slow time down rather than stop it, but I have seen no evidence he has that capability. So his playing skills are all about his hand to eye coordination and not his special abilities.
Product Page ($11.99)
When you hurt yourself, you may find that the same expletive is always on deck waiting to voice your displeasure. These “Bitch Bandages” offer four time-tested favorites that will add some words to your roster and help keep your use of profanities in a healthy rotation. Chances are, you’ll see a dramatic spike in the use of more sanitary terms like “crap!” or “balls!”, allowing the f-bomb to only be called up for major trauma. I’m sure your wife and kids will appreciate that one.
Product Page: ($7)
Those weapons are filled with poetry, sonnets and tragedies, and they’re aimed right at your heart strings. What are you gonna do?
Product Page: ($12.99)
He may be scrawny with thick glasses, suspenders and a bow tie, but I have no problem admitting that this is a powerful nemesis who kicked my ass repeatedly through grade school.
Product Page: ($13.99)
Remember that annoying British guy with the suspenders and bow tie who used to hock everything under the sun in infomercials? If so, it’s probably because he just came rushing back to you from the deepest, darkest caverns of your memory; no doubt from a dusty filing cabinet labeled “who cares?”. With that in mind, you may want to pick this shirt up now and enjoy the laughs before memories of Vince Offer, sham weirdo get filed in that same cabinet.
Product Page: ($14.99)
Every day of your life has a little bit of drama and comedy. Laughing or crying at any given time is just a part of life. Now you can be ready for either and get some UV protection as well. You can hope your right eye gets a little more action than the left with these.
Product Page ($3.50)
It is gifts like these that give fathers and boyfriends nightmares. Either of them would prefer that there be nothing but a number zero on this thong, but realistically feel that there only needs to be two digits maximum to keep track of such a thing. That there are 6 decimal places on this pair is clearly for the dramatic effect they are sure to elicit.
Product Page ($11.99)
Oh Mandy Patinkin—we have seen you in television dramas and commercials for prescription drugs, but you will always be Inigo Montoya to the geeks. This Princess Bride Inigo Montoya baseball cap features “prepare to die” printed on the back and “Inigo” along the bill. A Princess Bride Silhouette baseball cap is also available (pictured after the break).
